Often, we can find ourselves in tough situations. And during those situations we can become weary and impatient with life. We start to wonder if its even worth it at all. If Christ loves me so much why do he allow bad things to keep happening to me? My heart is so broken and I'm so angry yet my enemies dance and laugh. Is my living in vain? Are you even listening to me? We start to lose faith.....
I can remember when I first received Christ into my heart I was 16. It was one hot summer, and I was visiting my oldest sister in Texas. As I can recall we went to a church revival. I felt something strange something trying to move inside of me. I couldn’t quite understand what I was feeling. But, I did not want to leave Church! Later that night I was so hungry (spiritually) I just couldn’t put my bible down. I wanted to know more, I needed to know more. I just wanted to be where he was!
I always knew about Jesus, but I've never had that spiritual connection. After leaving my sister and returning home the hunger was still there. Bible study, Sunday school, Church etc. I was there. Then bam! A distraction. That’s just like Ol' faithful Satan to crash a holy ghost party! So I started hanging out, fornicating you know doing all the things that wasn’t Christ like. You can become so blinded by sin that you will not know it until its too late. Nobody could not tell me anything. I knew it all. I have it all under control. Yeah, right! that’s exactly what Satan wants you to think. "Look at them Church folks, all boring with no life! You will miss out on everything if you're like them. You will have no friends." Satan constantly told me. Well, guess what, with the friends that I did have I could have been that little Church girl. Anyone that allows you to do bad is a bad friend. Anyone that leaves you when you're down and out is a bad friend. One thing that I know is God is a constant friend. He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Through the years I became more and more distant from Christ. But, every now and then I would feel him pulling at my spirit. Of course I ignored it. But, like many others when I wanted something, I remembered his name and what he is capable of and after I received what I prayed for my promises was out the door. Not caring how it made him feel. Sometimes I did not believe God was real when I didn’t get what I prayed for. Why do we give up so easily when we don’t receive what we want? Is our faith only limited to a good outcome, to only our way? Pretty much. I would say. I've heard a lot of talk about why do God allow bad things to happen to poor innocent people. If things never happened, then there would not be any need for faith. It pleases God when we have faith in him and his word. Not just when things are good, that defeats the purpose. The devil wants you to see things from the fleshly eyes and not the spiritual. Because he knows if you see it through your spiritual eyes, your faith would increase. He is afraid of that, because faith equals power.
As time went on I continued to live worldly. I became pregnant at the age of 18. Immediately after that I became depressed and pretty much home bound. I thought I was losing my mind. I never had this feeling before. I just wanted to die. I prayed. I wept. I groaned. Lord what's wrong with me! No one could understand. I didn’t understand. But, GOD understood! I remember sitting on my sofa in my apartment praying. Then all of a sudden I began to pray in tongues for the very first time. God was near. He wanted me near so he had to get my attention. He knew that when I'm down and out, there was no one else that I would seek, but him. I began to give him the praise and the honor. He had heard my cry. I was directed to the right doctor. My new beginning was here!
God will allow certain things to happen to get our attention. He discipline those that he love. He wants to strengthen us for the battles that are unseen. During the dark periods in my life, that God allowed, he never left me. God will allow us to go through, but it is up to us if we go through alone. Because he is always there no matter the circumstances. Psalms 138:3
Walking with Christ is not an easy journey. There will be many challenges thrown your way. In order to survive you have to be equipped, prayed up and ready for war. It is a constant battlefield daily. Satan is aiming directly at your soul. This life is not for the proud. It is for the humble at heart. You will get your heart broken many of times because your spirit is now connected to his. You will feel his pain, his love, his power and his might. There will be many that will persecute you. But, you have to keep believing and standing on his word. It may seem as though running away would be the easy way out. Only to be hurt, confused, and disappointed in the end.
I have left Christ many, many times because of my selfishness. But, he never left me. He sat back and let me be stupid. I never meant to hurt anyone. Especially myself. It's like walking blindfolded with a knife in your hands. Cutting everyone unintentionally and in the end you will eventually fall and cut yourself. Thank God that he is a healer! No matter what you may face, if you keep the faith you will have the victory. All of your pain and burdens you will bear will all be worth it, if you faint not.
The Lord God is my strength. He will make my feet like deer's feet, And he will make me walk on my high hills. Habakkuk 3:19
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